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The
Panel Play
Panel & Characters
The Claybill
The Text - introduction
Scene I
Scene II
Scene III
Scene IV
Scene V
Scene VI
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[lights on]
Narrator
[conspiratorily]
But a baser meaning has been read into these characters the literal sense
of which decency can safely scarcely hint. [33.14-15]
[addressing HCE, and pointing to him]
HCE, why did you fall? what brought about that tragoady thundersday
- this municipal sin business? [5.13-14]
HCE
[protesting] Slander!
[stuttering] Slander!
Eve
[snidely] It has been blurtingly bruited by certain wisecrackers in
the nightplots of the morning that Earwicker lay under the ridiculous
imputation of annoying Welsh fusiliers in the people's park. [33.15-34.1]
Narrator
Truth, beard on prophet, compels one to add that there is said to
have been some case of the kind implicationg, HCE, stambuling haround
Dumbaling in leaky sneakers one happygogusty Ides-of-April morning.
Isolde
[innocently] Rumor has it he behaved with ongentilmensky immodus opposite
a pair of dainty maidservants in the Phoenix Park.
[34.3-22]
Narrator
But the Peeping Tom was peeped on; the fusiliers peeped on him, while he
peeped on them, while they - it's said - were [through cupped hand in
stage whisper] peeing.
All
[all poke heads through holes and all together exclaim with sharp intake
of breath in horror; then quickly shout out imprecations]
Isolde
Yellow Whigger!
[71.10]
Tristan
Swad Puddlefoot!
[71.26]
Eve
Yass We've Had His Badannas!
[71.11-12]
Humpty
Hoary Hairy Hoax!
[71.15]
Russian General
Vee was a Vindner!
[72.10]
Issy
Sower Rapes!
[72.10]
Shaun
Easyathic Phallusaphist!
[72.14]
ALP
[with exaggerated feeling] To anyone who knew and loved the christlikeness
of the big cleanminded giant H.C. Earwicker throughout his excellency long
vicefreegal existence the mere suggestion of him as a lustsleuth nosing
for trouble in a boobytrap rings particularly preposterous. [33.28-32]
Eve
[ruefully] Who but Crippled-with-Children would speak up for
Dropping-with-Sweat? [102.29-30]
Narrator
[with great seriousness, in stentorian tone, getting faster toward the
end] You, Humphry Climpton Earwicker, also known as HCE; also known as Here
Comes Everybody; also known as Adam; as Lucifer (and all who fell), as
King Mark, as Finn Macool, as Oscar Wilde; as Oedipus; as Lear (and all
ruined kings); as Noah; as Bacchus; as Arthur Guinness and Sons (and all
purveyors of strong drink) as Moses; as Daedalus; as Ulysses; as Parnell;
as King Arthur; as the Duke of Wellington; as Lewis Carroll; as Julius
Caesar . . [Glasheen, Third Census]
Humpty
[interrupting triumphantly]
And soon to be Humpty Dumpty!
Narrator
[continuing]
are charged with a first offence which was admittedly an incautious but,
at its wildest, a partial exposure with such attenuating circumstances.
[34.25-27]
Eve
[righteously]
With his broad and hairy face, to Ireland a disgrace.
[260.L1-4]
HCE
I am woo woo willing to take my stand, sir, that sign of our ruru
redemption, any hygienic day and to make my hoath to my sinnfinners, even
if I get life for it, upon the Open Bible and before theGreat Taskmaster's
(I lift my hat!) and in the presence of the Deity Itself and my immediate
withdwellers and of every living sohole in every corner wheresoever of
this globe in general which useth of my British to my backbone tongue that
there is not one tittle of truth, allow me to tell you, in that purest of
fibfib fabrications. [36.23-34]
Humpty
Cleftfoot from Hempal must tumpel, Blamefool Gardener's bound to fall;
Broken Eggs will poursuive bitten Apples for where
theirs is Will there's his Wall.[175.17-20]
Shaun
[in a flat official-sounding tone] By reverendum they found him guilty of
those imputations of fornicolopulation with two of his albowcrural
correlations on whom he was said to have enjoyed by anticipation when
schooling them for their first conjugation.
But, if really 'twere not so, of some deretane denudation with
intent to excitation, caused by his retrogradation, among firearmed forces
proper to this nation. [557.13- ]
ALP
[compassionately] But apart from all titillation he insists upon being
worthy of continued alimentation for him having displayed such grand
toleration for denying transubstantiation. [557.23-29]
Narrator
[continuing in official tone] Nevertheless
in respect of his highpowered station, we think, with Sully, there can be
no right extinuation for contravention of common and statute legislation
for which the fit remedy is corporal amputation. So, [pause] three months
for the frothwhiskered pest of the park, as per act one, section two,
schedule three, clause four of the fifth of King Jark, this sentence to be
carried out tomorrowmorn by Nolans Volans at six o'clock shark, and may
the yeastwind and the hoppinghail malt mercy on his seven honeymeads and
his hurlyburlygrowth, Amen. [557.13-558.20]
[lights out; sound of breaking glass and strobe light]
Tristan
klikkaklakkaklaskaklopatzklatschabattacreppycrotty-
graddaghsemmihsammihnouithappluddyappladdypkonpkot![44.20-21]
[lights back on]
Eve
[sings]
Have you heard of one Humpty Dumpty
How he fell with a roll and a rumble
And curled up like Lord Olofa Crumple
By the butt of the Magazine Wall,
All
[chorus]
Of the Magazine Wall,
Hump,
helmet and all?
[44.25-32]
[end of Scene III]
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